Notes to Self

1.) Don't bother trying to reason with immediate family members. 99% of them have no reason.

2.) Daria is good, Daria is wise. Watch Daria. Learn from Daria.

That is all.

I'm Only Here for the Polka Dots

Yeah, polka dots rule.

I hate everything else about this blog-- including the posts. Note to self: get some sleep-- and some sense-- before blogging. Or better yet, quit blogging altogether. Go outside, take a walk, smash the computer with a sledgehammer and be done with it!

There's this part in Ghost World where Enid talks to Seymour about how all she wants to do is pack up and leave town without telling anyone... "Just screw everybody..." I'm pretty sure I mentioned this somewhere before. But once every few weeks, I get that urge. I have it today.

I don't hate my friends and family. Matter of fact, I try not to hate anybody. Hate brings you down. But... I still feel like starting over. It has way more to do with me than anybody else-- well, doesn't it always???

This whole blog is just one ridiculous roller coaster ride, isn't it? I'm up, I'm down, I'm up, I'm down... and yet, despite all the crap, it's probably the most honest I've ever been in "public"-- at least, as far as my moods go. Seriously. 'Cause I'm usually only one mood, one general tone around other people. I wonder if that's normal... like, does everyone hide the majority of their moods? Is that why blogging is so popular?

For me, I used to just store all of this in my journals, diaries and what have you. When I started xanga, I didn't think of it as another "outlet" of that sort. I thought it'd just be a fun way to keep tabs on my friends. But then I started writing all this crap... and now the crap has spread to blogger. And worst of all, it's not even the fun kind of crap-- you know, like google?-- it's the kind of crap that makes me sound like I think I know what I'm talking about, even though I'm clueless.

Blah blah blah... I think I just need to get away from these for a while. Take a break, do something for once... and I don't mean another "project" (better known as another distraction). I need some actual goals, you know?

Like... call that guy I've been meaning to call. There's a good one-- and hey! I didn't even roll my eyes when I wrote it. Progress.

Haha... you know something, I think that might be my only goal for now. Maybe that's the one unfinished part of my life that's been sending me into these random spirals. Because honestly, I love everything else about my life. All things considered, I'm doing really, really well. I just make a mess out of it in my head.

Urrggghhhh... stupid head.

I take everything so damn seriously sometimes. And I hardly sleep, I'm just thinking on this one thing so hard all day and all night... but I don't ever do anything about it, so it just leaves me with this sickness in the pit of my stomach-- which, if I'm lucky, turns into butterflies, the good kind, every so often.

Jeez. My poor friends that put up with me. (I'd say, "My poor family," too, but I put up with them like you wouldn't believe, so we're even.) Seriously though, I'm like... abusive to people. I'm just not a nice person.

I need to go somewhere now-- and no, I don't mean permanently. lol I just need to clear my head (stupid, mess-making head). And I need to find my phone charger b/c his number is in my dead phone. No promises, those never do me any good...

Ok, I think I like this post. Looks pretty crap-free to me. No pseudo-intellectualism and all that jazz. Just me. And my rant, of course.

Tasty

Everyone go see In Good Company and then rent Goodfellas if, for some strange reason, you don't already own it. See, they both have "Good" in their titles, so there's a theme! Woo-hoo for themes.

Well, I'm on vacation for 3 weeks starting today, so unfortunately I don't have time to write very much because I gotta go play and do fun things while I still have the time to do them. Hopefully, you are doing the same... Go on, scoot!

Eat Some Worms

Sister's here. Party's tomorrow. But I can't shake this sadness, if that's even what it is. Just an overwhelming sense of BLAH. But it's so much more than blah. And if I keep talking about it, I'm going to have to shoot myself in the foot.

This Feels Rushed

Prepare for the worst initial post you've ever read.

I just wanted to comment on Catherine's site, but the Blogger nazis were all, "No, you gotta make your own blogspot first." So here I am. But I'm really not feeling it. It's not at all like how I felt about xanga my first time.

Eh. Well, I rather enjoy this font. And I like polka-dots, so the template definitely works for me. But this post bites. I will edit later...

Right now, I'm watching Ellen. It's a rerun, but she's a lot of fun to watch. Plus, Oprah namedropped like crazy this morning (also a rerun), and I need a dose of Ellen's humility.

So there you have it.